I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
