i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
