Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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