We should be called the Road Head Warriors
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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