I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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