she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
