shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize