i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
