You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
