It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My room smells like vodka and shame
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
