i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Randomize
