You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
