if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
