Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
