I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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