Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
