Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize