a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
