dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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