Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
