it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it's like heaven, but drunker
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
