i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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