Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
