Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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