my sisters under your porch take her home
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
