just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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