every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
