Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
