dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
