girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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