Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
