you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
