There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
