you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
