Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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