actually, I'm a sock model
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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