i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize