I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
