That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
