Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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