In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
