I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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