There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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