At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize