Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
