And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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