Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
