I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
