Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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