I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
