i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
