i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
