I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
either way he was missing a nipple.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
