I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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