i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
