Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
