You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
