everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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