Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
