My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
