Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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