we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
