took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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