Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
