Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
