He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Less talking, more tequila
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
