Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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