Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
