i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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