I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
