Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
