First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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