do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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