how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
