We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
